May blog- end of the school year recap

The anticipation of Summer breezes and swimming pools is too much to bear when you’re sitting inside of school in the cool thin air. The day is coming, so close but so far!

May 24th is the day for me, when sophomore year comes to a close. This past year i’ve learned a lot, not only educational lessons, but also life lessons. Here are a few lessons i’ve learned;

• Most of the friends you have will distance themselves from you very often. But they still love you just as much as they did.
• Finding a job is really hard, especially as a 15 year old in sophomore year when everyone else is 16. (eye roll emoji)
• Some days are harder than others. I know it feels as if you need to lash out at somebody, but that is a REALLY bad idea.
• The end of the school year is when you really just don’t care anymore and you cry hysterically at everything. The worst part about it is that it’s the most important and crying hysterically won’t do anything to help.
• Homework takes FOREVER. but it’s best to conquer it slow and steady, because that’s who wins the race in the end. 😉
• Being nice to people really isn’t that hard. Just a smile in the hallway can make someone feel better.
• On the contrary, people are really rude. I try to be nice to pretty much everyone but most won’t be nice back.
• Finally, social “groups” don’t mean anything when you get out of school. Especially after you graduate. Even the populars aren’t popular after school. Being popular in school won’t automatically earn you a college degree.

Anyways, I just hope Junior year is a little easier than this year was. I will carry these lessons with me throughout the rest of my life, or at least high school. No matter what I have my own back, and that’s all that matters to get me through.

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April blog- It’s been a year.

One year since you passed. One year since i’ve hugged you and smelled that cologne of yours that you loved so much. One year since I gave the necklace back that you once gave me. One year since your contagious smile gave me hope. One year since your sweet heart volunteered to help someone that needed your help.

But you were the one who needed help. You had an addiction. Your thoughts pushed you down a hole and you used the wrong rope to get out.

You knew the rope was starting to break, that’s why you came over that day. You said goodbye and hugged me and you were gone a few days after.

I used to be upset, but then I was angry. I was upset because I didn’t want to believe it. My brother had overdosed? On Easter? There was no possible way that he, out of all people, overdosed on drugs. Then I was mad. I’m still angry. You warned me about boys and told me how they would hurt me but you were the one who hurt me the most. You left me, mom, and our little brother alone with our alcoholic father. You told me you would be there to get me away from that house but you weren’t. You were too high to remember that heroine is a depressant and cocaine was a stimulant. You mixed them, and that was the worst mistake you ever made. So without thinking about anything but your damn self, you snorted both. Soon you died. Died. Didn’t think you would, did you?

Every day I promise myself that I will never be like you

But dad is fine now. We’re great. We would be better with you here, but we’re doing fine. Dad drinks but he doesn’t bother us. He’s still the same old bipolar dad he was before, but he doesn’t drink as much. Dylan is autistic, but you weren’t around to find that out either.

I’m not as mad, and i’m not as sad anymore. I don’t think about it at much, but when I do, it is terrible. Everything can remind me of you in some way. When people ask about you, I can handle it. But eventually I will be able to talk about you and visit you in peace. Just give me time first.

March blog- A letter to the Weather

Oh, Ohio, why do you do this to me?

One day i’m half naked, the next I can’t show my knee’s!

Make up your mind mother nature!

I can’t take this anymore!

Stop taking your PMS out on Ohio the poor!

All we want is to sit outside and shuck our corn,

but we can’t do that when the temperature is -4!

Alright mother nature, my rant here is done.

But when us Ohioans can’t go outside and yeehaw,

It’ll be the end for y’all.

February blog- Short story

I finished my presentation while students clapped, feeling a sense of renewed confidence. I wasn’t nervous to talk in front of people or speak my mind.

I walked into the high school football game with paint splattered on my face, showing my support for our team. I ignored the fact that the high schoolers were giving me dirty looks and smiled at my large group of friends. I didn’t realize how ignorant I was.

I had so many friends, too. A group of seven. We would go to Kings Island with bandanas and crop tops on and flirted with every guy our age we saw.

That was before.

Before the pressure of wearing full-face and all PINK brand clothing got to me. Before the stress of balancing school, gymnastics, and babysitting got to me. Before my social anxiety and my inability to get out of bed got to me.

I’m different now.

The bubbly middle schooler is gone. She’s been replaced with the productive, self-deprecating sophomore who is only worried about her grades and getting a job so that maybe she could get a car someday. Everyone asks “What happened? You were so happy!”

My answer is this; Life took advantage. The pressure to be perfect only continued to wash away my personality and replaced it with the mindset of getting things done- perfectly. Now, the bubbly girl wears sweats to school almost every day, with her hair pulled up into a bun and no makeup on with a resting bored face.

She has three friends now.

One is her boyfriend and the other two barely notice her.

She’s looking for a reason to get up and do at least something every day.

And her reason is that it will all be worth it some day.

January blog- Poem

The Way Life Goes

I never understood the way life goes.

How life clings onto people, and rolls the dice with the others.

Life can spoil you with flowers and gifts,

but it can also kick the back of your knees.

Life can pick and choose who he wants to spoil,

and who he wants to test.

If life chose you to be the one tested,

it is because he knew you could do it.

Look at the people who are spoiled. Don’t they look silly?

They’ve never endured the things you have.

If their life is going good, great!

But they’ll never know how to cope like you do.

They can’t say they’ve survived situations like you.

They are jealous of your thick armor and golden soul,

because that is the one thing they will never have;

Because that is just the way life goes.